Removing judgement around sleep training/not sleep training
Do I need to sleep train my baby? Is it bad to sleep train my baby?
No, of course not to both of these! There are no right or wrongs when it comes to deciding to sleep train a baby. If parents are okay waking up during the night with the baby then that is just fine. No one should be made to feel badly or like they are doing something wrong if they choose not to sleep train. Parents need to do what works for their family. I would never advocate for someone to sleep train who wasn’t comfortable with it. If you are able to get extra support to make up sleep or just have help during the day or at night then I think that is a great way to do it. I’ve worked as a postpartum doula for many families who could afford night support several times a week so that parents could get some deep rest or they have someone come during the day so they could sleep.
That said, no one should be made to feel badly for making a different choice. If waking several times a night is difficult on you and you would like things to change that is also ok. Getting sufficient sleep is important for the health of the whole family. There are also so many women who are struggling with major mental health issues directly related to their lack of sleep, are returning to work, or trying to care for several children. Or they are doing all of that! It’s Ok to know that sleep is important and to prioritize helping your baby learn how to sleep for longer and longer stretches or put themselves back to sleep. I’ve also seen babies become much happier during the day when they are able to get better rest at night. Making these Moms feel guilty for making the choice to sleep train is not okay.
I have shared before how I didn’t sleep train my babies out of fear. I read the blogs that told me it was wrong to sleep train so I didn’t and both my babies woke up so many times a night well past 12 months of age. I also know that I lost my temper much faster, had less overall patience and on many days had no energy to think of creative activities to do with my kids or just how to creatively deal with their behavior. Health had always been a huge priority of mine but I began to eat lots of sugar to get through the day. I didn’t feel healthy. I definitely was not the most patient or kind wife who was able to communicate effectively with my spouse. When I look back at photos I am reminded how those were some of the loneliest and hardest times of my life. Did not addressing my children’s sleep make me a better Mom? I have to say from my current vantage point that it absolutely did not. Knowing what I know now, I could have fairly easily and gently changed my experience of that time with just a little patience and consistency and probably not even much crying.
We all have the ability to support each others choices as parents and refrain from judgement around how individual families manage sleep for their children.