The skill of learning to sleep well

Teaching babies how to sleep is a skill that they can learn just like all the other skills they are learning. Somehow our culture treats it differently than all other skills they learn.  As if you either have a “good sleeper” or a “bad sleeper” but I simply don’t buy into that story. Certainly all babies have different temperaments and certain skills will come more naturally and early to some and others later. This doesn’t mean that these skills can’t be taught in a gentle and consistent manner. Teaching babies to sleep isn’t unlike other things we teach our babies/toddlers - how to eat solid foods, how to use the potty, how to ride a bike, etc. We use a gentle but consistent method to help them achieve new skills with confidence.

I often read posts by Mom’s that are reaching out for support because they are so sleep deprived and waking up constantly throughout the night. As a result many are struggling with their own mental health or just not finding joy in motherhood. My heart breaks as I read them. Many of the responses online are empathetic, but are very negative about sleep training and don’t offer any solutions.

I think this comes from a fundamental lack of understanding of sleep training methods. In many people’s minds there are two approaches to sleep and in my opinion, both are a bit extreme. Either you constantly wake with your baby all throughout the night and never try to help them sleep better. Or you allow them to cry for hours on end alone in a dark room to teach them how to sleep. These approaches are the extremes on both sides and there is a VAST middle ground with so many gentle and effective options for teaching babies to sleep. As an example, sometimes we simply adjust a baby’s sleep schedule a bit or we create more of a structure around bedtime. I have found simple changes sometimes provide a huge shift in sleep patters. It can also involve teaching your baby to fall asleep without rocking, motion or feeding but just while holding them still. They might be a bit frustrated but you are holding them and responding to their cries. This allows them to learn to fall asleep gently without lots of help and helps them go back to sleep easier in the middle of the night. These are just simple examples to demonstrate some of the approaches to infant sleep.

There are so many tips and tools in between the two extremes of pediatric sleep. If you are struggling with your baby’s current sleep patterns please know that there is support. You can be a very responsive and wonderful parent and also teach your baby how to sleep. A sleep consultant will take into account your unique style of parenting when helping you achieve your sleep goals.